Tuesday, 19 February 2008

  • senselessly enthusiastic

    I admit that I am overly optimistic and positive, but you can blame this conditioned behavior on a year of entrepreneurship.  After being beat over the head at pitches and ripped apart by the audience, you've got to remain enthusiastic about your stance and walk into another remunerated pitch, drop back down on your knees, and beg enthusiastically again for money.  I am happy to report that I have developed a sturdy kneeling stance and a spirit of 110% senseless enthusiasm.

Sunday, 27 January 2008

  • On branding

    Every evening, I discard parts of my outfit into a heap on the floor, pad to the kitchen to consume a tomato and red pepper soup enriched with chopped frozen veggies from Trader Joe, and retreat to my resting chambers to remain in bed until the next morning. This weekend, armed with nyquil and a flu induced headache, I performed a (n=1) trial to challenge upper limit on how long I can stay asleep sans external interruptions.
    Results: 18 hours. 

    Having immersed myself in a three week period of self induced wallowing on big deals that did not pan out, I came to a tangent realization of the power of people and things that make us feel good. We all long to feel good about ourselves, be it our beauty, intelligence, wealth, <pick your adjective>.  eg you want others to validate that you are who you want to be, validate that you should believe what you want to believe, validate that you are doing the right thing, validate that you made the right decisions. etc. etc.  In every one of my life chapters, those people who I cherish the most are the ones who make me feel validated. Simple as that. I started observing how we all seek this validation, whether you admit it or not.  The act of making people feel good about themselves is used everywhere in marketing.  I wonder how much the pet-supply chain PetsMart paid Leo Burnett to promote its brand name change to PetSmart. Yeah. I had to read it twice too. I'm done with wallowing for now.

Thursday, 17 January 2008

  • Business Relationship Talk

    Business relationships.   I met with 3 business collaborators today, and, for the sake of sensitive disclosures, we'll leave them as Abe, Bill, and Chris.  They flew in to meet me.  They represent the typical good ole boys business men. They'll tell you what you want to hear to get you nodding along side them, and, before you know it, you're walking away with a deal that may or may not be to your best interest.  It is snowing, but, their flights arrive on time and we start the meeting in the early afternoon as planned.  First, we exchange cards. We stare at each other, a little nervous but very hopeful that we will end up liking each other and having a good connection, and this will be the start of a fruitful relationship.  That's what we're here to do, spend 2 hours to chat, get to know each other, and, if all goes well, express how we feel about a relationship and take it from there.  As usual, my startup dad flew in for the meeting too, for "moral support" as he would say.

    I nerd talk with ABC for a while. They all bombard me with technical questions, which I appear to answer to their satisfaction.  Each time Chris asks a question, he says "okay, i'm going to put you on the spot again, and if you don't know the answer, just, uh, just smile."   Chris tells me that he's not being pessimistic about my current model, but wants me to start into a new model, because he's been to where I am now, and he knows how hard it is going to be, to break into the market i have my heart set on.  "So, I guess I'm just saying this because I've been there before. I don't want to divert you, but I just wanted to share my thoughts too."

    Startup dad interjects with comments here and there... reminding me to mention certain things for some of the questions.

    Abe stares at me for the first hour, no questions, and then, for the second hour, starts his list of questions.  He seemed very pleased with my comments, and at one point said, "I feel really comfortable talking to you right now. this is great" as he waves his hand between himself and I. "your <startup dad> put you on a pedestal, and after hearing you talk, you have certainly met that mark, if not higher."  Businessmen in the ole boys club are extremely flattering.

    Bill rambles on about how great his business model is, the pure brilliance of his strategies, and dives into the history of some success stories.  He rambles about their greatness, and then finally, sums it up in a statement that puts him out in the open "what I would like to say is, I would like for us to work together into the future. So I would like develop this relationship with you."  Short and effective, he said what was on his mind.  "Time is running short."

    I nod.

    The meeting goes on, we brainstorm about the markets, joke around a bit, get a few good laughs on quick jokes. 
    Finally, Bill says: "well, thanks for taking the time to meet with us."
    Me: "yeah, I really enjoyed this meeting" I said. Chris: "me too" and smiles widely from across the table.  And the others nod.

    They go off to pack their paperwork into their suitcases, and I walk them to the exit.

    So there you have it. That was an excerpt of a typical day in the land of business meetings with representatives from the good ole boys club.  As the drill goes, first test if we're on the same wavelength, see if we mutually had something invaluable to offer the other, and then speak your mind, and then negotiate a deal.  These guys sufficiently buttered me up like a piece of toast for a whole two hours.  So this one was, of course, much more enjoyable than many others. 

Tuesday, 08 January 2008

  • angina

    i've been experiencing sharp stabbing feelings in my heart for the past few days. i'm not kidding, in fact, it's happening right now as i type. at night, i can't sleep because dumbing pressure on my heart keeps me awake, like the whole world is pressing against my heart, and then during the day, the steady pressing turn into periodic stabs.

    this intriguing circadian phenomenon motivated me to buy a minimalistic health insurance starting now, after flying insurance-less for the past year and a half.   i am having a scheduled checkup with a generalist on thursday, and, if all goes well, this is nothing that a little coumadin can't fix.  this also presents a rare opportunity for me to market my own devices to my doctor as i point out to her in real time my ST segment elevation on ekg drawn on my computer when i go in for the visit.

Saturday, 15 December 2007

  • Creative opportunities

    Fortune cookie told me "it's up to you to define" - imperative words of wisdom for this steady state of sparse resources and grand product visions....Horoscope said I will have: "opportunities to capitalize on your creativity over the next year" but the former is arguably the result of the latter, not some collateral side effect....... and...this entry was originally about something juicier before my maturing inner censor redacted it.

Sunday, 09 December 2007

  • tax returns

    This morning: woke up at eight, reviewed my finances, called my accountant, congratulated myself on being fastidious with filing my 2006 tax return after 9 months of neglect, applied lip gloss, powered sunscreen on my nose, and then drove through the endearingly undecipherable streets of columbia to the post office at 2pm in the afternoon while wondering why the hell it took me all day to mobilize myself to mail off a few pages of IRS forms that my accountant had printed and clipped together for me so neatly with highlighted instructions that composed of two grand steps: 1) sign here and 2) mail.  A small step for a normal man equals a glorious triumph for tia. From the far off hills of perspectives, this isn't altogether devoid of cinematic interest: quirky, hopelessly tardy, irrationally enthusiastic heroine copes with the prosaic suburban adult life.

Friday, 16 November 2007

Friday, 19 October 2007

  • Startup woes

    Lots of rejections this week. Today I was at a startup mixer called Bootcamp, a yearly event at Maryland, aka a moshpit of hundreds of entrepreneurs and funding folks (angels, vc's, government grant managers).  The reason I went to this event, was to stalk down a prey, a program manager in charge of a large federal grant application.   I arrive, and identify the prey, and stalk this target from the corner of my eye throughout the day.  A few hours later, after waiting for hours for a time when he's by himself, I approach him to ask him how he liked my application. After the usual small talk where put on my utmostly charming "i'm so interested" persona, I popped the question: ask what he thought of my startup.  His response: "i don't remember your application at all."  Rejection.  Much like dating, it is time go back up to bat again.

Tuesday, 09 October 2007

  • checkbooks

    <sniffle>  a little under the weather from sleep deprivation and the stress of being extremely broke.  leo got sick first, then darin, and now me. despite the fact that each of us are over 6 hours of plane rides away from each other, our immune systems have synchronized.  i've bounced some checks lately... due to being extremely swampped and the last thing on the priority list is to balance our check book, as, as a result of the penalty charges that aggregated, darin took over my accounts and spent the weekend balancing it back to normalcy. thank god.

Thursday, 04 October 2007

  • Big disappointment today, when my electronics arrived from eastern europe, and two out of the three devices were broken during shipment. noooooo. not only was it time consuming to make, it was expensive to ship (over $100), and also, I NEEDed them for my demos! UGH. darin and i are taking a break from this crap.  a break, in our sense, is about half a day. so, I am taking off for a half day on saturday and will not respond to email. 

Thursday, 20 September 2007

  • twist of fate, things that you expect to happen don't,  while a brief meeting amongst entrepreneurs at a bar in a san francisco hotel turns out to become exciting promise.

    near the wharf this past weekend, I paid $20 for the fortune that i should stay in school for another 6 years of my life.  the fortune teller must have thought that i was in high school.

    now back in blatimore, i was feeling very disenchanted with academia today.  i sat down with the phd program chair to tell him what i am doing with the startup, thinking that perhaps he might want to advise me.
    him: "why do you still want to stay and do research, you can do far more lucrative things right now in engineering."
    me thinking, because it's not about lucrative but more about the ability to change the paradigm of care delivery and where else to do that but at hopkins. but thinking that i should put it into terms that he'd appreciate, i said "there's a NIH grant that i wanted to apply to, and can bring in money to the department, i'd be the PI of that grant."
    him: "i don't know about the method you're going to do that, i don't think it's allowed."
    me thinking, what the hell is wrong with this beauracratic place, half the grad students don't know what the hell they are doing and don't care enough to seek out funding. i respond "oh ok then."
    him: "i don't think you really understand what this phd program is really all about. "
    me: "oh ok"
    him: "you should read the student handbook"
    UGH.

Saturday, 15 September 2007

  • it's bedtime but i'm going to make an effort to jot down something so i can reflect upon it on day in the future when all this sinks in:
    - while i'm certainly learning a lot from doing the startup, i need mentors. happily i started on new collaborations this week with a couple of assistant professors in sensor networks, one at hopkins and the other at maryland. it's free mentorship, and free labor, also known as benefits from the publish-or-perish population.
    - finally set up my new "lab" at the maryland comp sci building.  it's equipped with a wii and a few randomly scattered sensors. in other words, it's a bare lab and i have plenty more work ahead in setting up. funny how i've "moved labs" 3 times already this year. and at every move, i'm the one sweeping up after everyone else has left. <crickets> at every move time, i wish i had a business partner that was local, to move boxes with me. not someone that works on the other coast, not someone that works on the opposite side of the earth.
    - leaving for california this weekend, to meet my partners and undergo emersion in business strategy discussions. then when i return, it'll be two full days of schmoozing with VPs at the hopkins alliance and then it's midterms week. woah, time to order my textbooks.

    good night.